


and so today, my world it smiles

by wholesome_gay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hogwarts, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 10:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19904080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholesome_gay/pseuds/wholesome_gay
Summary: At the beginning of their seventh year, Sirius and Remus spend some time alone together at the top of the Astronomy Tower.





	and so today, my world it smiles

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin.

Remus is sitting at the top of the Astronomy Tower alone. The first Quidditch match of the term was today; the Gryffindors are celebrating their spectacular win in the common room with drinks, various contraptions from Zonko’s, and all manner of rowdy behavior. Remus had his fair share of Firewhiskey and fun, but knew no one would notice if he slipped away.

  
The sky is clear tonight, showcasing the Milky Way and a waning moon. Remus rubs his arms, chilled by the autumn air.  
Loud footsteps echo up the stairwell. Remus hopes it isn’t a professor about to scold him for being where he shouldn’t be. When he hears a sort of thump and then a bit of profanity, he knows it isn’t.

  
“Hello, Sirius,” Remus says as his friend reaches the top of the stairs.

  
“Knew you’d be up here,” Sirius says proudly. He sits down next to Remus, making an “oof” at the hard stone hitting his bum.

  
“Why were you looking for me?” Remus wonders aloud.

  
“Got bored. Peter fell asleep – I gave him some choice tattoos with my permanent quill – and James and Lily looked like they were about to start fighting or snogging.” Sirius snorts, displeased, Remus knows, by the latest development in which Lily has begun granting her attention to Prongs.

  
“And you couldn’t find anyone worthy of fighting or snogging,” Remus says.

  
“Right, which is why I’m here.” Sirius punches Remus playfully on the arm.

  
An embarrassing little gasp comes out of Remus’s mouth. “Bruise,” he says, by way of explanation.

  
“Sorry,” Sirius says, lightly touching Remus’s arm where he hit it.

  
Remus never gets through a full moon without at least a few scrapes and bruises. This one has turned a mottled purple and yellow.

  
They sit in a comfortable silence for a little while, gazing upward at the stars.

  
“I can’t believe it’s our last year already,” Remus says quietly. “I’m going to miss this.” Remus had been so anxious about starting at Hogwarts, so desperate to prove himself worthy of an education despite what he was. He thought it was so unlikely that he’d make any friends, given his condition and even his personality. He remembers when he first felt like he belonged.

  
“Only you, Moony, would leave the first party of the term to be sentimental about how school is nearly over,” Sirius laughs.

  
“What I meant to say,” Remus responds dryly, “is that I can’t wait to be rid of you lot.”

  
“Well, there’s no need to be rude,” Sirius says with mock-offense. “Not to mention dishonest.”

  
Remus thinks his friends are probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Although, whenever he lands in detention because of them – which isn’t too often, if he can help it – he thinks they are the worst thing.

  
Sirius flicks on the lighter that he’s recently acquired. The color of the flame changes depending on his mood. James had the nerve to call this girly, and Sirius very nearly lit James’ trousers on fire to prove just how girly it wasn’t. Right now, the flame is bright purple. Remus isn’t sure which color corresponds to which mood, but he doesn’t normally need any help deciphering Sirius’s emotions. They play themselves out all over his face.

  
Sirius produces an unlabeled bottle from beneath his robes and takes a swig, then offers it to Remus, who takes it cautiously.

  
“What’s this?”

  
“It’s good, that’s what it is.”

  
Remus takes a sip. It smells like summer – sun, and sweat, and sea – and tastes vaguely like watermelon.

  
Sirius’s fingers touch Remus’s as he takes the bottle back.

  
“So, what is it you want to do with your precious last year?” Sirius asks cheerfully.

  
Remus doesn’t doubt that Sirius will be just as lost as him after Hogwarts, but probably hasn’t let himself think about it.

  
“Pull our best prank yet?” Sirius continues. “If we really think about it, we might even manage something that could get you expelled. Go out with a bang.”

  
Remus shakes his head, smiling. “It would be more fun to get James expelled, him being Head Boy.”

  
“Alright, then. What else? Swim with the giant squid? Chop down the Whomping Willow? Get shagged?”

  
“No, but thank you for the offer,” Remus teases.

  
“Shut your mouth,” Sirius says, smacking the back of Remus’s head, but he’s laughing.

  
Remus has stopped questioning the warmth he feels when he makes Sirius laugh. And it’s easier when he’s drunk. “Well, what about you, Padfoot?”

  
“Oh, I’ve done it all. I’d be out of here already if I didn’t think you, James, and Peter need me. Especially you.” Sirius grins.

  
“Why me? If it weren’t for you, I’d finally have a moment’s peace.”

  
“If it weren’t for me, you’d probably suffocate to death on the dust of old books.” Sirius takes another swig of whatever is in the bottle.

  
“I seem to get along just fine when you’re not around,” Remus retorts. It isn’t true. Summers at home are, well, suffocating. It isn’t that he doesn’t love his parents, but sometimes he worries that they will always see him as fragile.

  
Sirius yawns unapologetically, bored or tired or both. “Was that a shooting star?” he asks.

  
Remus scans the sky. The stars all seem quite stable. “You’re drunker than I thought.”

  
“No, no. I swear I saw one. Right around there.” Sirius points toward the east. “I have better vision than you, anyway.”

  
“No you don’t, you big dog.” Remus could swear that Sirius’s color vision is not as good as it was before he was an Animagi.

  
With a sound like a curtain being pulled open, Sirius transforms. He barks loudly right into Remus’s ear.

  
“You’re so annoying sometimes,” Remus says, without malice.

  
Sirius leaps onto Remus, knocking him over.

  
“Oh, get off,” Remus says, laughing and shoving the dog away. He sits up and scratches Padfoot behind the ears. Padfoot pants happily.

  
It’s easier, sometimes, to be around Sirius when he’s a dog rather than a seventeen-year-old boy: temperamental, hormonal, too good-looking for his own good. Remus can rub Padfoot’s head, not Sirius’s. Running his hand down Padfoot’s back, he longs for the easy camaraderie between Sirius and James that has always existed, that makes an arm around a shoulder or even a slap on the arse fraternal, permissible, meaningless. It’s not that Sirius doesn’t offer it to Remus, but Remus has never known how to return it.

Padfoot is Sirius again. “You’re taller than me now, aren’t you,” he says, shaking his head. “The nerve.”

  
Remus is fairly certain that he has been taller than Sirius since last winter. “Well, it’s not my fault that you’ve stopped growing.” Even now, Remus feels smaller than Sirius. Sirius’s presence fills a whole room: Remus’s, barely a corner. This is the way it has always been.

  
Sirius downs the remains of the mysterious drink and then lies down on the cool stone of the tower. He closes his eyes and hums a vaguely familiar tune. Remus decides it must be Led Zeppelin. At first, Sirius listened to Muggle rock only to piss off his mother, but he ended up actually liking it.

  
After several minutes of Sirius being uncharacteristically quiet, Remus realizes that he must have fallen asleep. He takes the opportunity to look, just look, without fear of being seen. He observes the slow rise and fall of Sirius’s chest, notices the hint of stubble on his chin, sees the smudge of dirt on his cheekbone. A few strands of his hair are strewn across his face. Remus reaches over and brushes them back with his fingertips. Sirius opens his eyes.

  
“Sorry,” Remus says, stuffing his hands in his pockets and flushing.

  
“S’fine.” Sirius sits up and Remus avoids looking in his direction.

  
Sirius takes out his lighter again. The flame rapidly flickers between colors.

  
“What are you thinking about?” Remus asks, unsure if his question is motivated more by curiosity or concern.

  
“A lot of things.”

  
“What’s one?” Remus tries.

  
“My mother,” Sirius says, scowling. “Not that she deserves to take up any space in my head.”

  
“No.” Remus put a tentative hand on Sirius’s shoulder.

  
Sirius had spent the summer holiday with James and his family. It was for the best, of course. The Potters’ were more than happy to have him there, and Sirius was glad to be free of his own family, if you could call them that, but Remus has noticed something forlorn in his eyes, now and then, that wasn’t there before. For a moment, Remus is overcome by a flare of anger at what the Blacks have done to their own son. Bastards, the lot of them.

  
“And last Halloween,” Sirius continues, in a low voice. He crosses his arms.

  
Remus feels a familiar lump form in his throat at the memory. “I’m not mad at you anymore. You know that.” He couldn’t say angry at Sirius for long. Hurt, yes. Wary. Closed-off, for a time. But not angry, not really. After all, it was Sirius’s idea that he, James, and Peter become Animagi to accompany Remus during the worst part of each month. Remus had been beyond relieved that they didn’t ostracize him when they found out about his transformations; he would never stop being grateful that they went further than that, that they actually became closer to him than anyone was (or ever would be).

  
“I know. But I am. At myself, I mean.” Sirius taps his fingers on the empty bottle.

  
Remus squeezes his friend’s shoulder. “It’s alright. You’re an idiot sometimes, but I like you well enough to put up with it.”

  
“Thanks for that.”

  
Remus can’t tell if this statement is sarcastic or not. He takes his hand off Sirius’s shoulder. Silence settles between them for a moment.

  
“Remus,” Sirius says. “Moony.”

  
When Sirius first gave him that name, Remus thought it was a bit stupid. He’d never admit how fond of it he is now. “What?”

  
“Close your eyes,” Sirius commands.

  
“Why?” Remus wonders if he’s about to be the victim of an unpleasant prank.

  
“Just close them,” Sirius insists.

  
Remus complies, with a sigh. Will he always give in to Sirius so easily? He waits for something to happen, unsure what variety of mischief to expect.

  
Sirius shifts next to him, his knee pressing into Remus’s. After a moment, he feels Sirius’s fingertips on his face, lightly tracing his scars. Warm tingling blooms across his skin.  
“What are you doing?” Remus tries to ask, but the words get caught in his throat. Whatever this is, he knows he isn’t allowed to have it. This is something he knows he doesn’t deserve; he is Remus Lupin, the one who alternates between uptight and monstrous, the one who can’t manage to be a proper boy in any sense of the word. Besides, it’s unlikely that Sirius will even remember this in the morning, and if he does, he’ll laugh it off and Remus will have to swallow it, bury it, let it sit in his gut like a rock until he is used to the weight of it. He fights the urge to run, to go somewhere he can be alone in his abnormality.

  
When Sirius removes his fingers, Remus opens his eyes. Sirius’s face is very close to his. It wears a strange expression, one that he’s never seen there before. Caution?

  
“Are you afraid of me?” Sirius asks quietly.

  
“No,” Remus starts. “I’m afraid of myself,” he means to say, but before he can Sirius has one hand on his leg and one on his neck and is kissing him, mouth warm and insistent, long hair brushing Remus’s cheek.

  
And then, before Remus can do anything about it, it’s over. Sirius stands up, knocking the bottle over with a clink.

  
“Right. Well.” And then he’s off, making his way down the spiral staircase, out of sight.

  
Remus feels as if he has been stupefied. But he hasn’t, so he his on his feet and running after Sirius, his body moving of its own accord. “Wait,” he calls, his voice echoing. Sirius keeps going. “Sirius, wait,” Remus says, his voice sounding much more certain than he feels.

  
Sirius stops and leans against the wall, panting slightly.

  
Remus grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around. Panic lines the features of Sirius’s face.

  
“Forget it, Moony – sorry – I’m just drunk, forget it – just a drunk idiot, is all – we’ll laugh about this tomorrow-”

  
Remus grabs the front of Sirius’s shirt in his fist, pulls him forward, and kisses him like he means it. Because he does. He presses himself up against Sirius and feels Sirius’s body relax into his, feels warmth spread through every part of him as Sirius kisses back.

  
Remus pulls back a bit, the shirt still bunched in his hand. Sirius’s breath is hot on his face. “You, Sirius Black, don’t get to run away and pretend this didn’t happen.”

  
“Fair enough,” Sirius murmurs. He threads his fingers through Remus’s curly hair. “I’m no good at pretending, anyway.”

  
Remus wills himself to acknowledge that the tenderness in Sirius’s eyes is for him.

  
“Or running,” Remus adds.

  
Sirius’s other hand presses at the small of Remus’s back. “Or not falling head-over-bloody-heels for you.” He looks surprised at his own words, then laughs nervously and runs a hand through his own hair.

  
Remus’s heart hammers so forcefully that he’s sure Sirius must be able to feel it. “Can’t imagine why,” he hears himself saying.

  
“Try a little harder.”

  
Remus lifts his hand to Sirius’s cheek and – unable or unwilling to stop himself – runs his thumb across the other boy’s lips. It’s as if the whole world has shifted beneath his feet. He leans his forehead against Sirius’s, breathing him in and feeling more human than he ever thought possible.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first wolfstar fic. My wife and I are re-reading Harry Potter aloud to each other and as soon as we started the third book I just dove right into this ship. So this is dedicated to her, the og wolfstar gal.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at moonynpadfootforever.tumblr.com


End file.
